Embarrassment at the Gym

I was working out at a local gym not too long ago, and I noticed a thirtyish young man who couldn't have been older than myself doing a certain exercise that women normally do, meaning men don't usually think to do this particular exercise. I don't want to get too specific with this because you never know when this person might come across this conversation online.


Anyway, I noticed that his form was pretty out of whack. There was no one else in the gym at the time, and I didn't want to see him hurt himself while I was there. I went over to him and asked him if he wanted a tip or two on how to get the best out of this particular exercise.  He said sure. I showed him the proper form for the exercise and then explained it as I was demonstrating it. I didn't think anything of it at the time, I was just offering a fitness tip to a fellow gym member.

As this gentleman was leaving, he said "thanks, I'm usually in here about the same time everyday." Then he smiled at me with this weird seductive smile.  Now, I don't have a judgmental bone in my body, but that doesn't mean that I don't know when a smile is more than a smile. From the way he said it and the way he smiled at me, it was blatantly obvious that he was coming onto me.

It left me with an uncomfortable feeling, and as he walked out the door, it hit me what had just transpired. I was embarrassed that this young man's.. situation... hadn't been obvious to me before then. It wouldn't have kept me from giving him a tip on form, but it would have at least prepared me for what he said and how he said it as he was leaving the gym. 

A Kiss

I knew that I was making the right choice by kissing him. It was utterly spontaneous; I just felt like kissing this handsome man who was in the bar at the same time I was.


No strings.  No follow-up.


Just a spontaneous moment of passion.


Guys, when this happens, it's best to be agreeably surprised.  Sometimes a thirtyish woman wants to Carpe Diem.


No, I didn't mind when you cupped my breasts.


But it's best to end while we're ahead.


No regrets.


No waking up next to a strange person the next day and wondering whether a pregnancy happened.

Professor of Plumbing

One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down. He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

“This is one third of my monthly salary!” he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him:

“I understand your position as a professor. Why don’t you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you completed only seven elementary classes. They don’t like educated people.”

So it happened. The professor got a plumber job and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber has to go to evening classes to complete the eight grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students’ knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of the circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, he filled the white board with integrals, differentials and other advanced formulas to conclude the result he forgot. As a result he got “minus pi r squared”.

He didn’t like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He looked a bit scared at the class and saw all the plumbers whisper:

“Switch the limits of the integral!!”

Shame and Scandal

Here's The Pepper Pots doing their rendition of "Shame and Scandal":

Do Wah Diddy Diddy

Here's the Dutch group, the Dolly Dots, singing "Do Wah Diddy Diddy:"

Pet Ownership and Red/Blue State Status

Top/Bottom Dog-Owning States

The AVMA Sourcebook reveals that the states with the most dog owners in 2011 were: Arkansas where 47.9 percent of households owned a dog, New Mexico with 46 percent, Kentucky with 45.9 percent, Missouri with 45.9 percent, West Virginia with 45.8 percent, Mississippi with 45.2 percent, Alabama with 44.1 percent, Tennessee with 44.1 percent, Texas with 44 percent, and Oklahoma with 43.2 percent.

The bottom 10 states in 2011 for dog ownership are: Illinois where 32.4 percent of households owned a dog, New Jersey with 32.4 percent, Minnesota with 31.9 percent, Maryland with 30.8 percent, New Hampshire with 30.3 percent, Utah with 29.4 percent, Rhode Island with 29.3 percent, New York with 29 percent, Connecticut with 28.3 percent, and Massachusetts with 23.6 percent. The District of Columbia had far lower dog ownership than any state with 13.1 percent.

Top/Bottom Cat-Owning States

The 2011 top 10 states with the most cat-owning households are: Vermont where 49.5 percent owned a cat, Maine with 46.4 percent, Oregon with 40.2 percent, South Dakota with 39.1 percent, Washington with 39 percent, West Virginia with 38.1 percent, Kentucky with 36.8 percent, Idaho with 34.6 percent, Indiana with 34.4 percent, and New Hampshire with 34.2 percent.

Conversely, the bottom 10 states with the lowest rate of cat-owning households in 2011 are: California where 28.3 percent of households owned a cat, South Carolina with 27.8 percent, Rhode Island with 27.6 percent, Alabama with 27.4 percent, Florida with 27.3 percent, Georgia with 27.3 percent, Illinois with 26.3 percent, Louisiana with 25.9 percent, New Jersey with 25.3 percent, and Utah with 24.6 percent. The District of Columbia, once again, had by far the lowest rate of cat ownership with 11.6 percent.

Erotic Passage

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.

Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily.

My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care.
His touch was so experienced, so sure.

When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes.

My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.

And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought.  A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer.

A man who would tell me what he wanted.

A man who would look into my soul and say . . . .

"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now."